


Too Late

by DM500 (DapperMuffin)



Series: Reed900 Stuff [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But it all ends okay, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Is a Good Bro, Crying, Cutting, Depression, F/M, Heavy Angst, Interrupted suicide attempt, M/M, Pining, Read at Your Own Risk, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, This Gets Really Dark, sappy Gavin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 04:23:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17974427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DapperMuffin/pseuds/DM500
Summary: He has been doing okay. He hasn't cut in months, and as far as Connor's concerned, he's stopped. But something comes along, something always comes along, to push him over the edge.(Literally.)





	Too Late

**Author's Note:**

> Be careful if you decide to read this! TW if you haven't read the tags (but you really should): suicide attempt, depression, cutting, kind of disorienting writing at one part. (If you want to skip the cutting part, it starts at "His fingers curled around the handle." and ends at "Laughing, Gavin wrapped an arm around Lia.") Stay safe, if you're triggered by any of the things I listed, read at your own risk.
> 
> While writing this, I was listening to "Lost My Mind" by Alice Kristiansen and "Happier" by Ed Sheeran (Tyler Ward cover). So those would set an atmosphere if you'd like to listen while reading.
> 
> I don't know if this is a vent fic, or what. I've certainly felt like Nines to some extent. Also, you know those stories you start writing that get longer and darker as you keep writing? This is one of those. It started from two lines of angst prompt dialogue: "Don't go where I can't follow" and "It's better this way."

"Good morning, Detective," Nines said calmly, a small smile on his face at the sight of Gavin Reed. The man looked up from his terminal at the sound of his greeting.

"Hey, Nines," he replied, and Nines noted that his smile seemed larger than usual.

"Has something happened, Detective? You seem cheerful this morning."

Gavin hummed. "Hm? Oh, I have a date after work. Somebody asked me out."

Suddenly his thirium felt as though it were freezing in his metal veins. "A date?" His smile turned forced all of a sudden.

Gavin didn't seem to notice. "Yeah, some girl was waiting for me when she got off work. Said she'd seen me at that coffee shop I go every day, been watching me from a distance but could never work up the courage to talk to me. Who'd've thought, somebody thinking about me like that?" He gave a short laugh, sipping from his coffee mug. He even seemed somehow… a little giddy, which Nines had never expected to see on the detective. _I took too long._

Hesitation. That was what had, quite possibly, cost Nines everything. Even now, he hesitates before stepping towards his own desk. Sinking heavily into his chair opposite Gavin's, he connected to his terminal, deeming it more efficient to view the evidence and cases in his mind; all the better to ignore the stabbing pain he now feels.

The hours dragged on in that way they do, but to Nines, it also seemed like only minutes before Gavin stood, disposing of his empty coffee cup.

Nines had been shot before, but that pain was nothing to the one caused by that concerned look on Gavin's face. "Nines? You okay? You've been quiet all day."

"I'm _fine,_ Detective." Wincing a little internally that his tone came out so sharp, he plastered on a false smile, willing himself not to let anything else show. "I hope you enjoy your date." And he did, he hoped Gavin could be happy whatever he chose (whoever he chose, the thought came unbidden). Even if it meant he'd sacrifice his own happiness for the detective.

Gavin didn't seem entirely convinced, but he smiled because Nines was. "If you say so." And just then, a young woman called Gavin's name from across the room. She latched onto his arm.

"Ready to go?" she asked, and Nines knew that this was Gavin's date. Flinching a little, he shoved his feelings deeper inside. "Actually, I was talking to..." Gavin started, gesturing vaguely in Nines' direction.

"It's alright, I think we're done here." _Blank, empty, emotionless, just like an android's eyes should be. Just a machine._

"Alright." Grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair, Gavin left, the girl hanging on his arm.

He was just out of sight before Nines bolted. He heard Connor yell his name, but didn't stop, couldn't.

Nines barely made it to his apartment before the tears began to overwhelm him. _It's my fault, isn't it? I'm such a machine that nobody could ever love me. Maybe... Maybe it's even because I'm an android, he could never love an android, he never even liked androids, I'm an android... She's a human, it's probably better for him to love someone who's human. She's human, I'm not. Maybe it's that simple._

He found his hand on the drawer, the one he hadn't opened since last time, he stopped, _fuck it._ Throwing the drawer open, Nines grabbed what was inside. His fingers curled around the handle.

He'd never have any scars from his bad habits, but it was somehow satisfying, twisted, satisfying. The lines he left on his false skin, the thirium bleeding, dripping, staining. It wasn't enough, he was cutting as deep as he had before, but it went enough this time, it had been enough before, but it was worse. Worse, worse, his spiral, less coherent, thoughts losing purpose, only thing mattering was the knife in his hand, the pain he caused himself. System errors in his vision, minor annoyances.

Deeper, Nines had to go deeper, and he gritted his teeth, more pressure, heavier on his skin. Better, more system errors.

 

 

Laughing, Gavin wrapped an arm around Lia. "Really? He said that?"

The first few bars of a song started playing from Gavin's pocket, and he frowned. Who could be calling him? "I gotta take this," he muttered. "Hello?"

Connor's voice came from the other end of the line, frantic. Worried. "Gavin, did you... Do you know where Nines went?" Something about his tone caused a spike of panic within Gavin.

"What? No, I... Why, what happened?"

"After you left, he ran off. Literally ran, I've never seen him like that before. I called after him, but he didn't even look at me."

Gavin swallowed, feeling like there was a rock in his throat. "Fuck, um..." His phone vibrated once, and he checked his notifications. "Shit, Nines just texted me."

"What does it say?" Connor seemed breathless on the other end of the line.

_I'm sorry. Goodbye._

 

It was just three words, but Gavin's hands shook. Time seemed to slow, he was suddenly very aware of his heart beating in his chest, and he felt heavy.

"Gavin?" Connor's voice asked, rising in volume and emotion. "Gavin?"

"I've... I've got to go." Abruptly he hung up, cutting off Connor's increasingly more anxious inquiries. "I've got to go!" He repeated to Lia, whose eyes were wide.

"Gavin? Where are you going?"

 

 

It's too much, it's too much, he couldn't take it anymore. The cuts weren't enough, deeper, but it wasn't working, and...

 

 

The breaths came hard and fast, and there was an intense pain in Gavin's side, but he couldn't stop. He couldn't be too late... He had to be fine, Gavin had to make it in time, he just had to.

"I'm sorry," he said through the breaths. _"Please,_ don't let me be too late..." He'd long ago memorized Nines' address and apartment number; he'd been there hundreds of times. He recalled how bare the android's apartment had been the first time he'd visited. "You need some furniture if you want me to come over," he'd said at the time, one eyebrow raised.

_Fuck no, fuck no, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._

Gavin fumbled with the doorknob, hands slipping, feeling his heart sink even lower in his chest, if that were possible. Finally the key went in, and he threw the door open in a panic.

Nines' apartment looked the same as the last time he'd been there, and nothing seemed out of place, but then he saw it. The thirium staining the floor. And his eyes went to the glass door to the balcony.

And there he was, and Gavin felt his heart stop.

Cyberlife-issue jacket billowing, normally perfect hair out of place from the wind. Tie flipping around in the current. Arms down by his side. There he stood.

Nines was balanced on top of the railing of the balcony, and Gavin immediately bolted for the door. Normally it would have been a little heavy, but he's full of adrenaline and all he wanted was to see Nines _safe._

"Please!" The words tore from his mouth without his consent, and Gavin swallowed hard as Nines startled a little, but the RK900 managed to right himself. "I... You can't do this!"

The android didn't turn his head, or, for that matter, move at all. "It's better this way. You're happy with her, anyway. I'd just get in the way."

And Gavin realized what this was all about. "I... I don't love her, if that's what you're worried about! I just... figured I should move on, you know? No use chasing after someone who clearly doesn't like me back."

"Like you... back?" came Nines' hesitant reply.

"Yeah." Gavin decided, fuck it, fuck his pride, he'd sacrifice... _anything_ (he realized with a start) for Nines. "Look, please come down from there, I l-love you!" There. He'd said it, _finally._

"You... you do?"

"Yes, I do." He hoped, that was all he could do right now, but he _hoped_ that it'd be enough to convince him to come down.

But his shoe slipped, and...

Gavin felt himself shout Nines' name as he barreled to the edge, grabbing for anything he could use to keep Nines from falling, finally latching onto his turtleneck. He'd hated that thing from the beginning, but now he was so, so glad that Nines was wearing that stupid thing, because it seemed strong enough to hold. Any other fabric would probably have ripped, which he knew all too well as he used his other hand to grab the outstretched hand Nines was holding out to him.

Heart in his throat, Gavin heaved Nines up onto the balcony, where they promptly collapsed to the ground in a mix of relief and... whatever you feel after a huge shock, Gavin wasn't in any position to identify the feeling. He felt Nines grab his shirt in the way that someone emotionally unstable latches onto the nearest something, the nearest some _one._

Gavin hurriedly wrapped his arms around the quivering android, knowing the best thing right now would be staying near. He was no stranger to the way tears were rolling down Nines' face; indeed, he'd had the unpleasant experience of being in a similar place a long time ago, and he'd had those tears roll down his face too.

"Don't go where I can't follow." The words spilled out of his mouth, but he figured, if any time was a time for sappiness, it was now, when Nines needed to hear it, needed to hear that he cared. "I need you."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," and by this point, Nines was practically bawling like a baby. "I thought..."

"Don't ever scare me like that again." Gavin placed a kiss on the RK900's head. "I couldn't lose anything else, not..."

And Nines hadn't even thought that maybe he was being selfish.

Just then, someone else entered the apartment through the door Gavin had left open in his rush, running over the moment he saw them.

"Nines?" Connor still sounded extremely worried, eyes wide. "Nines, are you okay? What happened?" he addressed Gavin now.

"He almost jumped." Connor's expression seemed hopeless for a moment as he considered what he could have lost.

"What? Nines, I thought you were doing better! You told me..." Nines drew a shaky breath. 

"I _know_  what I said. But I'm fine now."

Connor was in hysterics. "You're not fine, you just tried to jump off a building!"

"Connor," Gavin interjected, voice warning.

"Sorry." Connor cleared his throat. "Let's get you inside, why don't we?"

"And close all the doors," added Gavin as an afterthought. He stood, aware of Nines' hand on his arm as the RK900 copied his movements, albeit a little more wobbly, before handing him off to his brother.

Knowing that if he stood for very long, he'd collapse, Gavin sat on one end of the couch. He vaguely heard Connor asking his brother questions, and he realized suddenly that he was feeling tired, and that the adrenaline had probably worn off by now.

"You what?!" Connor exclaimed in the background. Gavin glanced over to see Connor tearing off Nines' jacket, and he gaped at the numerous cuts and half-dried thirium dripping down his arms, his sleeves rolled up. "You're cutting again?!"

"You..." Gavin's voice came out hoarse after the stress of the last half-hour, and Nines grabbed at his sleeves, pulling them down roughly, but Connor grabbed his hands.

"No, we're going to clean you up." He led the other android to the bathroom, and Gavin watched them go.

Now that Gavin was by himself, his mind began to wonder about the horrible reality where he hadn’t caught Nines, and he hated that he was even thinking about it, and he hated the picture his mind had thought up, the picture of Nines splayed on the ground below, thirium everywhere… Shuddering, he clasped his hands together, knowing his grip was probably too tight to be healthy. I

t might have been any amount of time that Gavin sat on that couch for, but soon Connor emerged from the bathroom with Nines, who had changed into a different turtleneck with the sleeves rolled up, and Gavin turned to look. When the RK900 saw Gavin still waiting for him, his expression became a mix of overpowering emotions, and all he could do was stare into Gavin’s eyes, who looked right back, a little frightened by the raw emotions in the other’s eyes.

Connor cleared his throat. “Nines, you’re okay now, right? I have to go, but it’ll be fine if I leave you with Gavin, right?” His hand rested on the doorknob.

“Yes.” Nines’ voice wavered, and he tried again. “Yes, I’ll be fine, thank you, Connor.”

“Alright then, but I’ll be calling you later,” warned Connor, turning the knob with a swift motion, and he was gone.

Meanwhile, Gavin and Nines were stuck in a perpetual sort of staring contest until Gavin had to break the silence.

“You wanna tell me about it? I’ve been depressed, so if anyone should understand you, it should be me.” He gestured to the android to join him on the couch, and he did, tentatively settling down next to the detective. That time in his life had been one of his worst experiences to date, and he usually avoided talking or even thinking about it, but if it helped Nines talk it out, he’d grit his teeth and bear it.

“You have?” The android, who typically seemed so strong, composed, calm, seemed fragile and similar to a child in his mannerisms. He fidgeted with his hands, and Gavin fought with the impulse before giving in, placing a hand of his own on top of the other’s.

“I did. So what happened?” Nines marveled at the soft, sad look on Gavin’s face.

“I…” A sigh escaped his lips. “I’m the most advanced android, what a joke. I’m a mess, that’s what I am.” Gavin hadn’t noticed that androids could look tired in much the same way a human could. “Sometimes it feels like you don’t matter, and like… somebody else could take your place and nobody would blink. Like you’ll never measure up to anything, and like nothing you do will ever make a difference. That’s why I chose to work at the DPD with Connor; because police officers work to make a difference.” Running a hand through his no longer perfect hair, his shoulders slumped and a great deal of tension left his body. “Everything builds up on top of each other. But… I grew too attached to you, Detective. You… at some point, your approval… became the most important thing to me. But when I saw you with her…” Hopelessness, it occurred to Gavin, that was his current expression.

“I drove you over the edge?” _Literally,_ some part of Gavin said, and his exhausted brain thought that it, in some twisted way, was the slightest bit funny. “Shit, I’m… I’m really sorry.”

“No, no, no, you’re… Oh, who am I kidding?” A pained smile on his face, Nines looked at the detective, and there was just something in his eyes that Gavin couldn’t resist, and he found himself throwing his arms around his shoulders in a tight embrace that was soon reciprocated.

“Out there, you said,” Nines muttered, muffled, into his shoulder where he’d buried his face, “that you loved me. I’m hard-pressed to believe you.”

And Gavin couldn’t recall what exactly happened next, only that his lips were on Nines’ in a soft kiss. It didn’t last very long, but when he pulled away, Nines had a real smile; the faint traces of his depressed mood still lingered on his face, but the smile was so important, so precious, and Gavin wanted to protect this badass android from his own emotions.

“I do love you. Do you believe me now?” Gavin placed another kiss on his forehead.

“Yes, I do.” He paused for a moment. “...Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was fully intending to have Nines jump, but trying to write that put me in a very dark place mentally due to my own depression and I had to stop. So instead you get some very heavy angst/comfort.
> 
> Did I scare you when he slipped?


End file.
